a friend with weed is a friend indeed

.... and a friend in need is a pest ... LOL ....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=305vRNoofr8

And here's my rant.

My daughter stands in front of the mirror and sucks in her stomach to make it look flatter. She then breaks into a dance move involving some serious pouting and hip shaking.

She's just five.

Out shopping, she picks shiny sequinned high heels while I scout for anti-skid sturdy strap on shoes.

She wants a midriff baring lycra halter neck, while I shortlist sensible cotton T shirts.

She wants a Barbie, while I ask for a Jigsaw puzzle.

My husband & I don't watch TV.

MTV and FTV are restricted to late night way past my kid's bed time.

We don't discuss or glorify body images.

Fat vs. thin conversations are avoided.

Bollywood movies are seldom watched.

We have never bought her a Barbie doll.

[And now I vow to throw out the ones she owns thanks to her doting aunts, who think Barbie Dolls make perfect gifts]

It baffles me how my daughter manages to absorb such influences from her peers and Pogo.

What pisses me further is the way the market is loaded with stuff which sexualises children.

Why Barbie? Why not simple rag dolls? Why not flat-chested, normally proportioned baby dolls?

Why mid riff baring backless halter necked tops with 'sexy' emblazoned across the chest?

Why two piece swimsuits for under 10s?

Why advertisements with a boy of eight gazing lovingly at his curvaceous teacher?

This can actually feed paedophillia.

Delhi has seen over half a dozen shameful cases in just two months, where victims have been under five.

As for being too body conscious, it doesn't end their own reflections in the mirror.

I was disturbed to hear a 10 year old boy asking his mother to forgo the extra chapatti in her plate. He was seriously concerned that his mother would put on weight. He also regularly monitors her wardrobe, weeding out the suits and sarees. And this, while the lady in question is an attractive, active career woman in late 30s.

While another kid, a 12 year old daughter of a friend calls her mother a 'baby elephant' each time she wears jeans because she happens to have a typically Indian generous frame. Trust me, she's NOT obscenely heavy hipped! But her daughter probably has the 'TV moms' in mind...

So where are we headed?

How do explain what 'sexy' means to a five year old?

Is it okay for a little girl to wear a tee that resembles a bikini top?

Why can't there be a Barbie with brown skin, black hair and generous hips?

Can't Pogo/Cartoon Network do without airing programmes that feature boy meets girl plots?

Phew

Ok, I'm done hyperventilating .

Still cheesed but feeling better,

Dee

Quite methodically, we gave up smoking, alcohol, birth control [in that order] and tried to detox or purge ourselves in preparation.

[However, I ended up conceiving on the night when we were supposedly having last of our wild substance-abuse parties at a friend's house!
But that's another story .]

I was still not in the motherhood gear and was quite apprehensive about this massive milestone we had decided to cross . 

Here's what flowed back then .

Anxiety

Panic

Ok, so lets make babies

If we have our way

I will soon have

My breasts sagging

My stomach stretch-marked

My hands full

My time short

My hips wider

My paunch in place

My clothes smelling of milk

My room full of soiled diapers

My heart full of guilt

My ankles swollen

My nails chipped

My eyes sleepy

My sex drive lost

My baby crying

My life on hold

Will you still love me?

Will you patiently give? 

Your 20 best years

To this person we make

And then suddenly

Let go

And start our lives again?

We dare to tread where most 'polite' Westerners dread.

In this Sunday's Brunch [a supplement with the HT] I came upon an article. The author whacks us eloquent on the issue of getting embarrassingly personal when we converse. Even when we are dealing with people we've just met.

It's an Asian sub continent trait.

[ As is staring. But that's another story. ]

Yes, we can ask an unmarried lady why she isn't 'settled' yet.

We can ask a man his basic salary & what he makes on his trips abroad.

We ask the childless why they haven't 'conceived' yet.

We can ask a senior citizen how he plans to divide his property.

We prod our neighbours about their son's board exam marks, their sister in law's divorce or their grand dad's bowel movements with such aplomb, that a 'civilised' gora would just self-combust with indignation!

Ok, we have all been on both sides - the tormented and the tormentor.

Why is it such a bad thing, I ask?

Before the junta just lynches me, let me hurriedly explain why I wonder.

Talking purges.

Talking exorcises.

Sharing our woes, joys or dilemmas is therapeutic.

This is perhaps why we as a lot, don't have the shrink-couch-therapy culture of the west. Because we always download! We don't care if it's a stranger on a train who empathises with our painful piles problem! We just yak. We let it all hang out. Which I believe is very good! In a country like ours where number of problems are greater than number of people, it is like the Great Indian Unburdening that goes on relentlessly just as our culture does.

I see a huge virtue in sharing. It keeps us sane. It keeps us mentally balanced. It teaches us how we're not alone in any of our situations.

It's an Invisible Mass Bonding at work all the time.

Any Indian can recall hundreds of anecdotes, experiences, maladies, situations, home remedies and what not as a fall out of this art of 'intrusive' conversation.

It's amazing how we draw strength, wisdom, support and sense of belonging from all the massive sharing we keep doing.

Yeah the negative fall out is that people gossip and get too judgemental, but hey. every bloody thing is a two way street ain't it? I choose to see the greater good. Maybe us 'city wallahs' value our thoughts, privacy and egos way too much. Granted, that a city slicker can get bugged by stupid questions like, "Beta, why do you let your maid have 4 cups of tea daily? You are spoiling her."

But to crores of our brethren, this is the sole source of counselling, advice seeking, unburdening and learning. It's like a million counsellors / spiritual guides / shrinks floating around. So at a macro level, it is a fantastic device to keep sanity in a country where living conditions are as adverse as they get.

We stare.

It seems like a national past time. And we're not alone. This is an Asian characteristic. Shameless and unabashed, we stare to our heart's content be it in trains, in malls, in buses, on beaches, in temples, at parties or wherever. Oh, and its not the gender based staring where men ogle at women. This is generic, more democratic staring. We do it regardless of age, gender, class, position.

Do react.

Eager to hear all of you.

and rent a place of her own even if she never wants to or needs to...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....
something perfect to wear if the employer
or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
a youth she's content to leave behind....

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....
a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age....

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .....
a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....
one friend who always makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....
a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and
a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....
a feeling of control over her destiny...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to fall in love without losing herself..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to quit a job,
break up with a lover,
and confront a friend without ruining the friendship...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
when to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that she can't change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that her childhood may not have been perfect...but its over...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
whom she can trust,
whom she can't,
and why she shouldn't
take it personally...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
where to go...
be it to her best friend's kitchen table...
or a charming inn in the woods...
when her soul needs soothing...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
what she can and can't accomplish in a day... a month...and a year...

I think many parts should be changed to 'a person' coz they apply to everyone. Except the black lacy bra maybe. or then maybe not! HA! What the heck!!