I had written this on a piece of paper and given it to my husband … way back … some seven years ago, when we decided to start a family…

Quite methodically, we gave up smoking, alcohol, birth control [in that order] and tried to detox or purge ourselves in preparation…

[However, I ended up conceiving on the night when we were supposedly having last of our wild substance-abuse parties at a friend’s house!
But that’s another story …]

I was still not in the motherhood gear and was quite apprehensive about this massive milestone we had decided to cross … 

Here’s what flowed back then …

Anxiety

Panic

Ok, so lets make babies

If we have our way

I will soon have

My breasts sagging

My stomach stretch-marked

My hands full

My time short

My hips wider

My paunch in place

My clothes smelling of milk

My room full of soiled diapers

My heart full of guilt

My ankles swollen

My nails chipped

My eyes sleepy

My sex drive lost

My baby crying

My life on hold

Will you still love me?

Will you patiently give? 

Your 20 best years

To this person we make

And then suddenly

Let go

And start our lives again?